Day 15: reaching my toes, a true blessing…
I look at that picture and say, “what the heck.” My feet, ankles and legs have been so swollen for so many years that I could not see my cute boney feet any more. And why the heck does she get to reach her toes to keep her nails cute and painted. Who the heck has the dexterity to make a sunshine lotion on their feet, not me. As I recover from the emergency and heal, I am starting to think there is hope for real feet again.
Day 15: 10 May 2018
Introduction: Thanksgiving, Praise and Worship exercise
“What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you are near.”
We never know what our suffering is being used for to get our attention.
“Blessings in disguise.”
We never know how we will be blessed. Never could I have predicted or expected God to bless me such an obviously abundant miracle on 13 April 2018.
The day I decided to do this round of this 21-Day Brain Detox was the day someone had to remind me to, “Count your blessings.”
Shamefully, I left the office with the full realization that some whining had come out of my mouth because it was in my heart, instead of blessings. My hurt and anger from toxic abandonment thoughts had gotten the better of me. Where was my full and complete gratitude for this awesome blessing I received? There is NO medical reason for me to be alive and I am whining…
Pitiful moment but I am back on track. Thank you, Lord, for your patience with me. Thank you for knocking my socks off of me with your precious blessings.
Step 1: Gather
I can reach my toes! I continue to be blessed minute by minute of my recovery.
Go ahead and laugh, or think I am a fruit-loop. This is a really big deal.
When was the last time you could not physically wiggly your toes, for years on end, much less reach them? This is a huge fun big deal. I recently gained my toe-wiggle back!!
I have not been able to tap my toes to music for years. Tapping, wiggling, snapping and popping are all back!
Last few years I have only been able to cut ONE toenail a week, because there was no bending/elasticity to me. So little oxygen and blood throughout my body created a severe stiffness that could not be overcome, hence, no bending to reach my toenails. It physically hurt in SO many places on my body to bend. The bending would squish my heart and shut it down, literally. I could only bend long enough to get ONE toenail cut a week. Too exhausting to try more. I had to give up caring about the situation. I am way too vain for such complications.
Then the miracle to save my life, got blood and oxygen to every organ in my body again, got it to my heart to get it going again, got it to my ligaments and tendons so there would be some bend to me again. Got it going through my Achilles heels to get my wiggle back. Whaahooo, progress.
After the emergency, then returning home and continuing the treatment, I am bending better with each day. With oxygen and blood flowing again there is some elasticity to me again. This is a slow process but I am measuring it by my toenails.
I am already to the point where I cut all 10 toenails in one day. That is huge progress.
I put on my socks this morning and noticed it was not as hard as usual. The simple task of putting on shoes and socks has been a huge issue for the last 5 years (because of my health, simply cannot do much bending in ANY direction). The pain from oxidation in my Achilles heels kept me from wanting to put any shoes on.
The last several years it has not been worth warm toes to go through the pain in my Achilles heels to put socks on. This is a big deal. I don’t like cold feet in the winter but whatcha gonna do when the pain of putting on socks is bigger than cold feet?
Until I lost the use of so many things on my body, I took them for granted. My conclusion is that there are no small blessings. Our Creator has taken tender care with the tiniest parts on our bodies. Hope I never forget to be grateful for all of these details to our bodies that make them work.
Are we allowed to be goofy enough to raise our FEET to praise God for his details?
I would bet that before I know it, I will be able to do simple things like shave my legs correctly and then slather on the lotion. I lean towards saying this chronically ill business is for the birds, BUT how could I count these kinds of blessing unless the illness took so much from me? Grateful to be here to count these silly wonderful blessings.
This scripture has taken on a whole new meaning to me through all of this.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” ~ Psalm 139:13-14 NIV
This is so much fun. In the actual 21-Day Brain Detox, Dr. Leaf walks us through each step of each day. Today she says, in part, “The toxic thought is significantly weaker and ‘the mountain is being cast into the sea’.”
I feel like that is exactly what I am hearing in my words through my journaling that match what she is saying should be happening for today. Moving beyond the toxic thought, replacing it with God’s word and moving through it all. I hear sincere gratitude for being able to reach my toes!!
Dr. Leaf is brilliant. As a cognitive neuroscientist, she knows how this process works inside of the brain. I know she has it correct because I am documenting what is happening inside of my brain while working through this and it matches exactly what she is saying about the workings of the brain.
Plum fascinating, I am seeing hope beyond my toxic thought. Not only do I see the present, in the fact that I can reach my toes now, I can also see into the future and see that there is hope for me to paint my toenails again. I see hope very clearly. This toe thing is just the tip of the iceberg, so much more to come.
My toxic thought is not engulfing my thoughts like it did when I started this round of brain detox. It is being replaced with hopeful thoughts about the future.
Step 2: Focused Reflection
I still do not like the abandonment issues, but they don’t need to be toxic any more. I have a long way to go with this still, yet it seems to finally be within reach.
Step 3: Journal
My life can actually be lived free from the shame and guilt surrounding the abandonment issues and the toxic thoughts. I don’t need to be so hurt by anothers actions or inactions. I don’t need to take on quilt that is not mine to bare. Shame and guilt stops life in its tracks, just like my illness did. I am okay with all of this. Feeling the freedom in it.
Step 4: Revisit
Holy Spirit, what do you want me to focus on today?
Right back to focus, but this time focus on the true freedom I can experience as I let go of the remaining abandonment issues.
There is SO much to be done with my life. My plate is already full, and I am still physically recovering from the emergency. Can I only imagine what it will be like as I heal and have the energy to do more? Make room for healing from “the soul to the cell.” Wow!!!
Step 5: Active Reach
I will focus, I can focus on the good, the blessings, the purpose for my specific life. I can have warm feet, painted toenails and I can reach not just my feet but the power of God.
Don’t push through like I have in past. Instead, flow through it this time and serve others as I keep my focus on my gifts from God, not what has gone wrong. The oxygen and blood required for life is starting to flow through me, to give me the opportunity to let the love of Jesus flow through me on to others. Faith is knowing, to our core, that there is hope for what we cannot see. In time, this will all come together how it was meant to.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” ~ Hebrews 11:1 NIV
May ALL of you be blessed with feet you can reach, blessings you can treasure,
Maribeth Baxter, MBNC (Certified Mind-Body Nourishment Coach)
Do your own 21-Day Brain Detox, by Dr. Caroline Leaf, Christian neuroscientist. One year subscription is only $29. You can do the 21-Day Brain Detox as many times as you want during that year. She basically is giving this away!!
Find out about Dr. Caroline Leaf, a cognitive neuroscientist with a PhD in Communication Pathology specializing in Neuropsychology. … She frequently lectures to both Christian and secular audiences worldwide, linking scientific principles of the brain to spiritual, intellectual and emotional issues in simple and practical … Dr. Caroline Leaf
75% to 95% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct result of our thought life. What we think about affects us physically and emotionally. It’s an epidemic of toxic emotions. The average person has over 30,000 thoughts a day. Through an uncontrolled thought life, we create the conditions for illness; we make … Dr. Caroline Leaf