Day 10: I am clean, want to see proof….

Day 10: 4 April 2018

Introduction: Thanksgiving, Praise and Worship exercise

SONG: Natalie Grant – Clean (Nashville Sessions)

I see shattered
You see whole
I see broken
But You see beautiful
And You’re helping me to believe

You know Lord, that I do not have the ability after all of my life lived to have the ability to see that I am “whole” instead of broken. You alone have been making sure I get it this time, through and through. Keep walking me through the darkness.

You’re restoring me piece by piece

There’s nothing too dirty
That You can’t make worthy
You wash me in mercy
I am clean
I am clean

YES, I am!! Thanks to our God who knew a price had to be paid for the nonsense of this world. I am  clean.

What was dead now lives again

Literally dead, DEAD 13 April 2018. It was all dead, EVERYTHING. Things are not always what they appear. That dead jellyfish looked a beautiful color until I read it was DEAD. It certainly was not what it initially appeared to me.

Thought I had reached the ultimate of turning points many times in the past, but nothing can compare to this. You literally took the death out of me, in every possible way. You washed me in your mercy and your love and you let me walk out of that emergency on my two feet. Completely different feet than what I drug my sorry butt into the medical facility with.  

My heart’s beating, beating inside my chest

YOU, only you Lord got my heart beating inside of my chest beating again. You used the most faithful doctor to rise above the physical circumstances and see YOU in this situation. You two were in cahoots to save my life. You have been working inside of that precious woman for many years. I am only one of many she has touched because of YOU.

Oh I’m coming alive with joy and destiny
‘Cause You’re restoring me piece by piece

Recovering from the emergency is slow, piece by piece. Repairing a lifetime of disease that I was not even aware of, is a slow methodical process. But it is doable because of you. I feel the complete restoration, piece by piece, you are giving it to me. A gift so much greater than I deserve. I can feel it all the way to the tips of my washed feet.

There’s nothing too dirty
That You can’t make worthy
You wash me in mercy

You have already paid the price, you allow me to be clean because of you alone Jesus.

Washed in the blood of Your sacrifice
Your blood flowed red and made me white

My blood completely stopped flowing in my body, physically and medically impossible, but it stopped at all the calcified spots. The blood flow literally had shut organs down, shut off flow to my heart, it had all stopped.

It felt like you so gently replaced my blood that I perceive to be dirty (literally filled with gravel/sand) with your clean pure blood, white as snow, able to FLOW. Since I cannot see it for myself, you are right there to make sure I get the visual picture. You are right there to make sure I feel worthy of letting your blood flow in me instead of mine.

My dirty rags are purified
I am clean
My dirty rags are purified
I’m clean
I am clean
I’m clean
Oh You made me
You wash me
Clean
Oh You made me clean

Songwriters: Natalie Diane Grant-Herms / Bernhard Herms

Clean lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Music Services, Inc

You have spared me from the circling vultures waiting to devour me. You have spared me from the devil himself. You have protected me far beyond belief.

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” ~ 1 John 1:7 NIV

Step 1: Gather

Immense gratitude for all you have done so well inside of me, Lord. The physical means nothing if I do not get inside of my soul that I am worthy, because of what you did for me and who you are.

This is where the rubber meets the road. Do I fully believe that you are everything or not? If the words come out of my mouth but I do not feel it deeply in my soul, it is not complete. I am saved, sealed and delivered, in Christ, that is a done deal. There can be so much more to life than even that. There is still the life left to live here on earth, for you and about you.

Digging deeper, allowing you in even further. Abandonment issues and fear have not only brought me to my knees more times than I can count, but they have pointed me straight to you every time.

There are no earthly answers for any of it. I get this wonderfully beautiful opportunity to live, to let YOU wash out the hardness imbedded in me in the form of sand/gravel calcification literally sucking the life blood out of me.

You have been restoring me piece by piece for a very long time. You have been patient with me while I have not forgiven myself, even after you have long forgiven. You have allowed me the seven perfect years of my need to repent for what I consider my biggest sin. You do not measure the way I do but you have allowed me to walk through it the way I could see it.

You have provided messages, through your Word, through messages in other humans and through “messages in a bottle.” The world’s gravel/sand of hardness has covered the message and I have allowed the message to get buried. Instead, it is now time to let the messages rise above the sandy calcification that it created in my body.

Almost to the day, it has been 7 years since the last of that sin to the day you saved me in that emergency of death. Not only with repentance, but with physical turning and no turning back to that sin. Done deal. Your perfect number 7 (7 years in this case) has allowed me to accept that is all behind me. I am clean. Washed by your blood. No human can ever put that sin back on me.

“My dirty rags are purified. Washed in the blood of your sacrifice, Jesus.”

Done deal, deeply imbedded inside of my soul, I am clean.      

Step 2: Focused Reflection

Feel clean. Feel the washing. Feel the flow of Jesus’ blood through my body. The rock hard calcification cannot be penetrated in my body except through Christ. Picture his blood flowing over the sand/gravel, the rocks, and through my body to provide life-giving oxygen to every cell in my body.

Allow the blood of Jesus to complete the restoration of my physical body. There is SO much to be done here on earth while I am still here, however long or short that may be.

Step 3: Journal

With this blessing comes responsibility, in you, about you, for you. Without the shame that others have put on me and I have put on myself, I will speak up better than I ever have. Already doing it these last 2 weeks.

Not for my defense, you have already paid in full for my defense. I am talking about touching people’s lives because of you. You have given me so many gifts, time to use them all for your Kingdom without the shadow of shame. I know the exact assignment you have given me and the exact vehicle to do this. You have so clearly revealed that for the last two years.

It is time to get on with it. You have allowed me to remain at high-risk heart failure to keep my steps slow and focused on you as I implement your assignment.

I can simply focus on the castles you have so carefully and lovingly built for me. They cannot be touched by this world.

Step 4: Revisit

Stay focused on Christ, at every turn and with every heartbeat. You have so perfectly set the pace for me specifically, using my heart condition to stop me when I go out of bounds.          

Step 5: Active Reach      

Decision:

Feel the washing of Christ’s blood inside of my physical body and through to my soul. “From the soul to the cell!!!” Focus on the resurrection, not the death.

Action:

As I visualize this rising above death, let it sink into every cell and heal me, today, not tomorrow. Today, my mind will not go to the death of so much in my life. I will focus on the resurrection. Natalie Grant’s perfectly peaceful grateful smile at the end of this song, Clean, is how I feel.

May ALL of you be cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ,

Maribeth Baxter, MBEC (Certified Mind-Body Coach)

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